Just say yes kids


There is a golden thread …

As you are all aware by now my quest to get Gold at the Dartmoor Classic has reached extreme levels. I have done everything to reach my goal. Up to and including talking performance enhancing substances. 

I wrestled with my conscience but when I was passed by a Septuagenarian 7 years ago on the Wicklow 200 I knew everyone was on something.  ‘You can’t win the Tour on mineral water’

I dabbled with a few chemicals.  First I went to Floyd Landis for inspiration. Beer and Jack Daniels went down well but incredably my times worsened. I even took a couple of wrong turns and put my Jersey on inside out.

I then became aware of Beetroot juice.  ‘Nature’s EPO’. Cycling magazines wondered at its supernatural powers.  I understand that many of the world’s top professional teams swear by it.

I followed a ‘loading regieme’ recommended by a leading cycling magazine and even purchased two ‘Beetroot gels’ which I consumed en route.

The result?  Red everywhere!  Red from everywhere!  It is hard to portray the facts without seeming vulgar but I feel the need to impress upon my followers the florescent redness that has been part of my life for the past 5 days. 

The highlight?  Cycling up the first 11% gradient of the day. I cleared my throat- bright red sputum. I thought it was a piece of lung.  Then I realised there was no taste of blood.  Beetroot.

For the past 5 years I have dreamed of waking up with a Dartmoor Gold medal.  Today I lived that dream.  The highlight was when I went to the loo.  Gold! Not red or florescent purple but just a golden steam- priceless.

Next year I will use EPO. Keep clear of Beetroot kids

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