Day 1 Beautiful weather, Sun, sheep and spectacular scenery. 150km at 30kph. Plan was to take it easy toady but predictably I raced around to the point of exhaustion.

So I’m sitting in the bath watching Quintana winning the Giro and soaking my muscles in Epson salts. I stand to adjust my drying cycling gear when I hear a child’s shrill voice from the street 2 floors below

‘Look Mummy, a man with no clothes!’

I leap to the window and crane my neck left and right scanning the street for this deviant. My eyes fall on an open mouthed woman starring at me while she hugs her daughter from behind, her shopping discarded on pavement all around her. The young girl has freed her eyes from her mother’s blindfold and she too is starring open mouthed. A small crowd is gathering. Next I notice a teenage boy, likely her son. This smart lad has his smart phone out and is hoping to capture the moment.

I bid a hasty retreat. Second thoughts, my La Vie Claire top is a little too distinctive. I dash to the window and pull it from the hanger and clutch it to my naked form. Best wear something else tomorrow.

No doubt Grainnne Ni Seoighe’s beautiful brown eyes and pouting lips will be starring out in the next episode of Crimecall pleading with viewers to help catch this deviant. Garda Mary Flynn will be standing next to a photofit of an as yet unidentified man in a La Vie Claire cycling outfit. Grains will express her hope aloud that this monster is apprehended quickly.  She’ll sign off with ‘So goodnight and please don’t have nightmares’

Bernard Hinault will have some explaining to do to his wife. He will likely say it was Greg Le Monde and Le Monde will tell his wife it was Hinault.

I only hope the photofit doesn’t make me look fat and the eye witness description does me justice